A mother

Almost every day that I've been a mother, I've prayed that God would make me a better one.  
It's hard to believe that I've been entrusted with two precious souls to lead and guide and care for. I feel so inadequate. Being a mother is such an important job and I learn that more every year.

I didn't have a lot of life skills demonstrated for me as I was growing up. I'm the child of two parents with mental illness. I don't have a great relationship with my mother. I wasn't raised around extended family. I didn't have babies to dote on. Its a wonder I have done half as good a job as I have done!

I'm so glad that every morning I can wake up to start a new day, to work harder, to speak softer, and to love deeper. 
These two babies mean the world to me. I see so much of myself in both of them even though they have such different personalities.  Some of the things I see in them, I wish I didn't. I see things they learn from me. 
These are the things that I wake up every day and ask God to help me with.  I know that He keeps working on me, and I pray that He continually works in their hearts throughout their lives.  

I cannot think of a bigger blessing than the day that each of them will choose to follow Christ.  It's not my job to make that happen; it's my job to guide them and live in a way that they long to have what they see in me.  
That seems so daunting after I write those words.  I just feel so imperfect and I hope and pray that somehow, they will see Christ in me.  

These kids bring me more happiness than I ever dreamed.  When I see what they accomplish and how they are growing into their own persons, I am overwhelmed. 

There has been nothing else in my life that has changed me as much, been harder, or been more joyful than being a mother.  

Wordless Wednesday {a fun afternoon with momma!}

Volunteering & Celebrating

It was track day at preschool yesterday. B Boy was doing so well and having so much fun until he fell and skinned his knee. Poor boy. 

I knew today was going to be a long day. Not in a bad way, but early and busy.

We had an end of the year volunteer breakfast at 7am that Tim and I were invited to attend.

It is also teacher appreciation week and the PTO is providing lunch everyday for the teachers and today was my day to be in charge of looking after the lunch. I was there from 9:30-1pm.

It was so fun to make their day a little happier and to meet more teachers I did not know. 

Tim was also volunteering as Watch Dog Dad today.

C Girlie got a certificate today for outstanding leadership as an ambassador. She makes me very proud of how much she has grown in confidence.

I then went home and crashed for an hour or so.

Tim brought C Girlie home and told me that he wanted to take me out for dinner to celebrate my birthday a little early!

There is just so much going on around our special days, so we just pretty much celebrate most of May!

Flowers for Mama

These just scream "happy" at me :-)

And of course, there was cake

 We don't do birthdays without cake

& it was yummy

Life is one big change and evolution

My days really seem to move at a faster pace than they used to. It feels like this past year has flown by. Inside these busy days, there have been SO many good things happening.

I do longingly remember the days of toddler hood. We had a nice, relaxing routine- get up, eat breakfast, play, possibly a morning nap, lunch, a little play, glorious afternoon nap and then playtime before daddy came home.

Sometimes, we also went to the library and occasionally the store, but that was it. Plus, being in a small town, there weren't many other options of things to do! But I reveled in the simplicity.
Of course now, we are in a more populated area and the kids are school-aged, and with school, activities and church, our busyness has sometimes felt never ending!
But things are starting to come to an end (for the summer anyway).

In a couple of weeks, I will officially be a mother of a kindergartner and a first grader (wha??)! 

I am so proud of everything the kids have learned and accomplished this year. 

I'm so proud of them sometimes that I could bust! 

It is so amazing to watch them grow and learn! They have both learned scripture verses, both are READING, C Girlie has been learning ballet and B Boy is learning to play baseball.
As happy as all of this makes me, I have to be honest and say that I am truly looking forward to a low key summer!
The kiddos will have swim lessons and VBS, but other than that, we are only doing fun summer things! I'm so excited to be volunteering to help with VBS this year. Our church has an amazing program. I took the kids to it last year, but we have met so many people in the church since then and I totally feel comfortable volunteering now. 

That is another thing that blows my mind- this time last year, we knew no one in our church. 

We started Sunday School last August and other activities at church and has made a world of difference. It has been so great meeting and getting to know so many wonderful people. 

I know this post is wordy, but it feels like a chapter is closing and a new one one is opening. 

Of COURSE, I must reflect on this, lol! 

I am beginning to feel that I am a part of my church, school, and community. 

This July, we will have lived here for two years. It does take time to find your place, at least it seems to for me. 

I feel like I have grown in my spirit so much.

 
Moving to a new community and losing my MIL and being away from my best friend almost broke me. 

I had a hard time for months, maybe longer.

I feel like I've overcome that. 

My heart has been healing. God has been healing it. 

My struggle now is watching my children become their own selves, big kids. But, I recognize my struggle and I try to give it to God. I'm sure there will always be a part of me that is sad to see them grow, but oh, how amazing it is as well. 

I feel like turning 30 was a major milestone for me. In a few days, I'm going to be a "thirty-something" from now on. And I'm good with that. 

Last year, I was sad to see my 20's gone. 

This year, I'm excited to see what the 30's have in store.

 

I never knew that I would change so much as an adult. 

I hope to pass that on to my kids, that life is one big change and evolution. We are continuing to grow everyday. Maybe only in our spirit, but some form of change will constantly be taking place.

Kindergarten Mother's Day program 2012

Pictured (left to right): Soon-to-be 1st grader, Soon-to-be 31 year old, Soon-to-be Kindergartner

Milestones

From the time our babies are born, we are constantly evaluating their progress and looking forward to each new developmental milestone. 


The first smile. The first wave. The first steps. First words.


It is amazing and yet bittersweet knowing that moment is so fleeting. 


Your baby gets older and the milestones are different. 


The first lost tooth. The first day of kindergarten. The first time riding in a booster seat. 


Theses moments are still just as amazing and bittersweet. 


You realize one day that your baby is actually no longer a baby at all. Instead she has turned into a smart, beautiful, snaggle-toothed little girl.

And the things that she is learning are happening so quickly. 


You are full of awe at what she can do.


One day she is learning to write her name and then just like that, she is reading. 


I've thought about this day for so long.


There are hardly any words to describe how it feels to watch your child learn to read. 
It is just amazing. 


So, im going to revel in this moment for now, because like other milestones, I know it is fleeting.