A mother

Almost every day that I've been a mother, I've prayed that God would make me a better one.  
It's hard to believe that I've been entrusted with two precious souls to lead and guide and care for. I feel so inadequate. Being a mother is such an important job and I learn that more every year.

I didn't have a lot of life skills demonstrated for me as I was growing up. I'm the child of two parents with mental illness. I don't have a great relationship with my mother. I wasn't raised around extended family. I didn't have babies to dote on. Its a wonder I have done half as good a job as I have done!

I'm so glad that every morning I can wake up to start a new day, to work harder, to speak softer, and to love deeper. 
These two babies mean the world to me. I see so much of myself in both of them even though they have such different personalities.  Some of the things I see in them, I wish I didn't. I see things they learn from me. 
These are the things that I wake up every day and ask God to help me with.  I know that He keeps working on me, and I pray that He continually works in their hearts throughout their lives.  

I cannot think of a bigger blessing than the day that each of them will choose to follow Christ.  It's not my job to make that happen; it's my job to guide them and live in a way that they long to have what they see in me.  
That seems so daunting after I write those words.  I just feel so imperfect and I hope and pray that somehow, they will see Christ in me.  

These kids bring me more happiness than I ever dreamed.  When I see what they accomplish and how they are growing into their own persons, I am overwhelmed. 

There has been nothing else in my life that has changed me as much, been harder, or been more joyful than being a mother.