A friend of mine who has went through breast cancer, chemo, mastectomy, and reconstruction posted on Facebook the other night. She mentioned how much she was grieving her life before cancer. She's not able to do all of the things she could do before yet. She has physical reminders on her body and the thinking about cancer and worrying are constantly on her mind.
I know that her and I are going through two totally different situations but when I read what she wrote, I got it.
I feel like I have been in a grieving process these past few months. I know the weather and my ear infection have also contributed, but I have felt so defeated. I've felt like I had lost the old me. Never mind the fact that the old me also didn't feel well- I didn't have the diagnosis of a life long disease then.
I have never felt this low as a wife and mother. I keep wondering if I am damaging these precious souls by my constant irritability. I just miss having energy to do things with them. I miss being in a great mood.
I feel like a failure because it's all I can do to make dinner or start laundry. Our house is not nearly as clean as it usually is and that makes me feel that I am failing at keeping up our home (which is a big part of my job, in my book.)
I know I will come through this, but it's just where I am right now.
I just miss me.
Lenette, I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling this way. I'm praying right now as I type that God will fill you with his peace, joy, and love!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Katie!
DeleteEvery day I pray for you. I pray for healing, for comfort, for peace, and most of all - joy.
ReplyDelete<3
DeleteI'm sorry you're so low right now. I've been praying for you and will continue to do so.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteYou don't know me but I read your blog regularly and today this really hit home with me. I am a sahm mom to just one child right now. She is 7 years old. I've had many miscarriages in between and we're pretty sure I have some horomonal things going on. I too feel as though I've not been a good mother or wife here lately. Between unexplained nausea, stomach pain, migraine headaches and just weird symptoms I am spent. I KNOW these issues are not in my head. It has ruined my quality of life because I don't want to plan vacations or anything in fear that my health may ruin it! I also worry about my daughter worrying about me as she had said that she just doesn't want me to be sad. Ugh! Thank you for your honesty! It is exactly how I feel and makes me feel not so alone! I will be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for commenting! I'm so sorry that you are going through all of that. I will pray for you as well!
DeleteYour posts have hit me hard too. I had a bad sinus infection that led to type B flu and the doctor told me that it would take over a month to "be back to myself". I have missed me too. I have felt defeated and OLD. I am "older" than you and your friends, but have never felt that way. Thanks for being honest about your feelings. I have been praying for you as well.
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