Thoughts on the past year & the new year

I have been really struggling with what to write. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head, but I'm having such a difficult time putting that into words. I've always had trouble expressing how I feel in the written and spoken word. I'm not a good storyteller and I know that. I do, however, feel the urge to share even if it does seem all over the place sometimes.

Another piece of the struggle is that I internalize my feelings a lot. 
I call it "living inside of my head." 
I feel like I did a whole lot of that in 2015. I think my blog would reflect that. It's easy to talk about what we have been doing vs. how I'm feeling/doing.

I wasn't raised in a touchy/feely way, so I've had to learn to bring what's inside my head, out.

I spent much of 2015 coming to terms with my diagnosis of Crohn's disease.

I also dealt with a couple of pretty crazy sicknesses that took a lot out of me.

I continued to deal with pain and that was hard to come to grips with.

I began to think that I would never feel good again in my life. That is a hard place to be. 

I have been so blessed with good doctors in my life. Having doctors be persistent and caring has changed the entire course of my life. Don't get me wrong, I still had to be an advocate for myself and truthfully share what was going on. There is only so much a doctor can do if they don't have all the information.

The decision to have my hysterectomy was hands down one of the best decisions I've ever made. The endometriosis that was found had been causing me so much pain that I am now, currently relieved of. 

That brings me to deep level of gratitude that I ended with in 2015.

There is a huge contrast from the beginning of this year versus the beginning of last year.

I've never been one to have resolutions or a "word of the year."

I feel like 2016 is going to be a good year. 
I don't know what all it will entail. We don't have many plans for the year so far. 

I do know that we have two babies coming to our family this year! One of Tim's nieces is having her first child in May and one of his nephews is having his first child in July!

I feel God calling me to deepen my relationships. He has been working in my heart a lot the past few months. Since I do tend to live in my head a lot, sometimes I have a hard time interacting. So, I guess my goals are to deepen relationships and interact more.

I have so little to say. I feel like I am just letting things be right now and seeing where it takes me. I want my steps to be guided and not all planned out like I'm so good at doing.

January has already hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to ease into the year, but life doesn't stop so there are things filling up on the calendar quickly! I'm working hard to keep it from being crazy though!

Here's to a bright, shiny new year!!!

managing the holidays & thoughts on the new year

Do you struggle with stressing about the holidays or finding time to get everything accomplished?
I used to struggle with this a lot. It took me years to get a good grip on time management and knowing what I can accomplish without stressing completely out.

I think years of experience has helped me to better manage holidays. 

I also think lowering expectations has helped as well. 
I've also learned that just because we have traditions, doesn't mean that we have to do the exact things every year. 
Skipping a tradition here and there is perfectly fine.
I used to get worked up about everything, but it really doesn't help anything to be that way.

Just like on the Grinch who stole Christmas, Christmas will come either way.

He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming, it *came*! Somehow or other... it came just the same. How could it be so? It came without ribbons!... it came without tags!... it came without packages, boxes, or bags!

The last 2 weeks of December were the slowest of the year for me. I know that sounds crazy! The calendar had so very little on it!
It was a very stress free holiday this year.

I have created a gift spreadsheet for the past few years and that really helps keep me on track.

The first full week of January is going to be the exact opposite.
A lot of appointments and events just all happened to be scheduled during January 4-9.
At least we will get it all out of the way at once!

I haven't had a lot of deep thoughts about the end of the year/beginning of the new one.

2014 was a really good year. It did have some down points- Koonta passing away, being diagnosed with Crohn's... but the good FAR outweighed the bad.

I don't make resolutions or have a "word for the year."
I'm not great about doing something that has to be kept up with over a long period of time. Especially if it is a daily thing.

I really just want to feel better in 2015. 
I want to feel better so that I can be a better me.

In a way, I'm kind of struggling with this diagnosis. On the other hand, I'm hopeful about treatment. It's just so strange to know after not knowing for 7 years.

I want to keep trying to have time to let my mind wander and to keep it more free from clutter. It's so easy to get sucked into social media, but my mind always feels so full afterwards. I want more time to think and create.

I also want to do more things outside this spring- more hikes/walks!

It's so strange not having lots of plans for the year. We haven't even planned any vacations yet. 
The year seems open to such possibility!

Do you have thoughts on the new year?
Here's to 2015 - may it be happy and blessed!

Scripture that I want to live by this year:

Romans 12(NKJV)

Living Sacrifices to God

12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Serve God with Spiritual Gifts

3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. 4 For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, 5 so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; 7 or ministry,let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; 8 he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.

Behave Like a Christian

9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 Therefore

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.