Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Thoughts on the past year & the new year

I have been really struggling with what to write. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head, but I'm having such a difficult time putting that into words. I've always had trouble expressing how I feel in the written and spoken word. I'm not a good storyteller and I know that. I do, however, feel the urge to share even if it does seem all over the place sometimes.

Another piece of the struggle is that I internalize my feelings a lot. 
I call it "living inside of my head." 
I feel like I did a whole lot of that in 2015. I think my blog would reflect that. It's easy to talk about what we have been doing vs. how I'm feeling/doing.
I wasn't raised in a touchy/feely way, so I've had to learn to bring what's inside my head, out.

I spent much of 2015 coming to terms with my diagnosis of Crohn's disease.
I also dealt with a couple of pretty crazy sicknesses that took a lot out of me.
I continued to deal with pain and that was hard to come to grips with.
I began to think that I would never feel good again in my life. That is a hard place to be. 

I have been so blessed with good doctors in my life. Having doctors be persistent and caring has changed the entire course of my life. Don't get me wrong, I still had to be an advocate for myself and truthfully share what was going on. There is only so much a doctor can do if they don't have all the information.

The decision to have my hysterectomy was hands down one of the best decisions I've ever made. The endometriosis that was found had been causing me so much pain that I am now, currently relieved of. 

That brings me to deep level of gratitude that I ended with in 2015.
There is a huge contrast from the beginning of this year versus the beginning of last year.

I've never been one to have resolutions or a "word of the year."
I feel like 2016 is going to be a good year. 
I don't know what all it will entail. We don't have many plans for the year so far. 

I do know that we have two babies coming to our family this year! One of Tim's nieces is having her first child in May and one of his nephews is having his first child in July!

I feel God calling me to deepen my relationships. He has been working in my heart a lot the past few months. Since I do tend to live in my head a lot, sometimes I have a hard time interacting. So, I guess my goals are to deepen relationships and interact more.

I have so little to say. I feel like I am just letting things be right now and seeing where it takes me. I want my steps to be guided and not all planned out like I'm so good at doing.

January has already hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to ease into the year, but life doesn't stop so there are things filling up on the calendar quickly! I'm working hard to keep it from being crazy though!

Here's to a bright, shiny new year!!!

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