Italics indicate what I gleaned were the author's thoughts on a topic.
Lately, I've had a lot of soul searching going on. Some of the reasons are: life, my Bible study I'm doing, blog posts I've read, and writing out my testimony. It has left me thinking and questioning and reflecting.
Some of the themes I've noticed in a few bloggers is, one, questioning things about God, and two, a need to say "no" to things and focus on being a better wife/mother/friend/child of God. They have resonated with me because both of those things are happening with me.
Things got really crazy last year. I had health issues and I was so busy that it was hard to do good at anything that I was doing. I had a moment when I realized that I was going to have to say no, and to more than 1 thing. I've had more clarity on it over the last few months and I've come to realize that what I'm called to do is a very influential calling. The fact that it is an influential calling scares me. It makes me not feel worthy. That influential calling is being a mother.
Our society has made mothering seem less influential than it really is. I can think back on SO many times I have heard people say that their mother or parents had the biggest impact on their lives. The BIGGEST. That started rocking me to my core. I may have the biggest impact on my children's lives? What am I doing with that?! This is one of the major things that I am wrestling with.
I am doing a Bible study titled, Gripped by the Greatness of God. Today, we started the week on the sovereignty of God. This really ties in to the things I have read lately about questioning God, the other thing I have been wrestling with.
Let me back up. I know it sounds bad to say "questioning God," but truly I think we all have questions and I think we have more during certain times in our lives than other times.
One blogger has questioned why one person gets cancer and dies, but another person gets better. The person she loved that died, was prayed for and they petitioned to God for his life. Why was he taken? Is everything that happens a consequence of sin? Are we paying for the sin of others who have gone on before us?
Another blogger questions if prayer really changes things. For instance, God's will is what He pre-ordains. He knows what is going to happen in our lives, so does praying for a person to be healed change that? When someone that we are praying for passes away, we say "it must not have been God's will for them to be healed." So, if that is true, did our prayers change anything? Is prayer more of a relationship than a request for things that we want?
I'll admit, I've questioned these same things. I think as humans, we are wired to question just about everything.
As the speaker in our video spoke today about God's sovereignty, it was like my eyes were opened. For one, I realized, that we seem to know about God's awesomeness and His holiness, but His sovereignty? It seems to be an attribute that we glaze over.
We say, "yep, God's in control!" How many of us honestly believe that? Everything that happens on this Earth is to bring forth God's glory and we have no control over any of it. The things that happen and what we say and do, never hinder God's plans. Never. They will come to fruition whether so & so is president of the United States or if your husband gets that awesome job or if thousands of people perish in a tsunami.
God's word tells us not to worry. It tells us that God is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To believe in God's sovereignty is to truly and fully trust Him. I believe that believing in His sovereignty will hinder us from so much questioning.
I'm preaching to the choir, I know that. I worry and I question, but I don't want to continue.
I want to fully grasp God's sovereignty.