Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I struggle

I think that it is no secret that we all struggle. 
If you don't, then I would like to know your secret. 
A lot of times, I struggle inwardly and I don't share my struggles. 
I war with them on the inside and no one can see the massive war going on inside. 
Sitting in Sunday school this past week, I had a lot of revelations about myself. 
The lesson brought them out, but more than that, a friend shared a deep, inner failing. 
She shared something that most of us would have just kept to ourselves. 
It was so bold and raw. 
I'm new to the class and her friendship and I'm a shy person. But, I grabbed her hand. I was the one sitting next to her and I felt the need to give her support. She had touched a nerve in me. 
Honestly, it's really hard for me to show affection sometimes. 
But, back to what I was getting at. 
My eyes were opened and I began to write things down that I needed to get straight. 
You see, I really struggle with some things and I know that I do, but I haven't been focusing on overcoming them. 
I've just been dwelling in them. 
And I don't want to live like that anymore. 
Some of my struggles are huge and have been there a really long time. 
I don't pray enough. 
I have anxiety. 
I spend too much time on social media and not enough time praying and listening. 
I need to spend more time listening about where I am supposed to serve. 
There is a plan for me, but I need to take time to listen for what it is. 
Sometimes I wonder how long I've been missing the plan. 
I get too busy doing this and doing that and I run out of time to do things that are truly the most important. 
My flesh wants things to be "just so" but I have to let go of that and take time to be "just still."

"He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'" Psalm 46:10


  1. I couldn't have said it better myself.

    1. thanks Jess. Sometimes it's hard to write stuff like this, but truly it is a lot of who I am.

  2. wonderfully written. we are often too busy attempting to be "plastic shiney people" that we fail to realize or acknowledge our brokeness.
    Did you switch to a dif SS class?

    1. We did switch to late Sunday School. I miss seeing you guys!

  3. I struggle with being more faithful in prayer as well. I have the bad habit of praying and going about my day without allowing a moment for the Lord to speak to me. Needless to say, He spoke to me when I had no distraction (He came to me in my sleep). Even then His greatness was so strong that I could not contain the power of His presence. He spoke firm and told me that I would hear from Him if I prayed more and meditated in His presence. That I busy myself with distractions and spend all day asking the questions. My life is too loud with things that I cannot hear Him. How can He guide us to our purpose if we do not take the time to Listen?

    I woke up ashamed. This is my struggle. Prayer can be a very complex principle for me at times. But, His grace and love endures forever. Praise Jesus!

    1. thanks for sharing V. And yes, praise God for his grace!


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