Adjusting

That's the way I feel that it has been around here for the past couple of weeks.

We are all adjusting to being in the school routine again.

I'm adjusting to wearing a retainer.  

I'm adjusting to being in charge of PTO (Lord, help me!)

The car has had issues and the cat has been sick and it took 3 days to get ready for the kid's birthday party.  

I've had emails galore, but I really do love email.  It's basically became my to-do list!

There are SO MANY things to do and so not enough time to do them.  

I know that most of the time, I overwhelm myself and it seems worse.  

The calendar is busy with appointments and spelling tests and Bible study and AWANA and Razorback games  and Bentonville games and PTO and there is more stuff I am sure.

But, there is one glorious thing coming up on the calendar- Labor Day!!!  I'm ready for a day off!

I've been mostly absent from Twitter and Facebook lately, because ohmyword it is election season and I don't know how much I can take!

I'm hoping we get nice rain from Isaac, but no damage please!

And I'm finally getting my hair done Friday!

And the first Razorback game is Saturday night! Go Hogs!

I need a break!!!

Labor Day-  you and I are going to have a nice time!

My Week

My early week was definitely < my later in the week.

It started with an issue with our car we had to get fixed. $$$

Then some unnecessary drama. :-(

And some very overly tired children caused some drama. 

Poor babies.

They are LOVING school and doing so good!  

But, the boy child did not get enough sleep one night and then didn't nap at school that day, and let's just say that evening was not enjoyable at all.

Last night was awesome though!

They always have lots to tell about their day!  They have made new friends, been to all their special classes, C Girl is loving the reading "tests" they have been having,  and B Boy said that he was line leader yesterday :-)

oh my goodness, they are holding hands! My momma heart loves it!

At dinner is when we talk about our high points of the day.

And it was so lovely outside last night, so we all played outside for awhile.

After that, it was bath, stories, snack, and bed!

Yesterday, my friend April and I went to Olive Garden for lunch and then we and got pedicures!  It was such a nice treat! I really needed to relax and enjoy myself for a bit.  I'm very, very thankful for the great friends that I have.  Our friend Jennifer was going to join us, but she is due on Saturday to have a baby, so we completely understand that uncomfortableness!  We can't wait to meet that baby girl!

Today, I have SO much to do! Cleaning house, baking cakes, getting ready for our family evening tonight, and getting ready for company tomorrow!  I cannot wait to see Keith, Jessica, & Parker.  And, on Sunday, I can't wait to see the rest of our family!

Him

In honor of Father's Day this past Sunday, I wanted to say some things about my husband.
****************************************************************************
He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.


I was thinking last night back to our early years(and recent years) and I realized that we went through some pretty rough times.


We were married and then suffered a miscarriage. And he was right by my side.


   We then had a nice year and a half of being together and working and traveling before C Girlie was on the way. 
My pregnancy was SO HARD.  And once again, he was always by my side.  
A lot of our friends were getting jobs and moving away, but we still had each other and our precious little girl.  
   We soon found out that we would be expecting AGAIN!
Once again, another extremely hard pregnancy.
    His first Father's Day, I was on bedrest for the upcoming birth of our SECOND child.  Cray Zee.
With our family and Tim missing a lot of work, we made it through and welcomed our precious little boy.
    
   When B Boy was 6 months old, I started having a ton of pain one day.  It would not go away.
Tim finally hauled me off to the ER. After the CT, they determined I had appendicitis AND my appendix was adhered to my small intestine.  I had to go in for an emergency appendectomy.  OF COURSE it ended up being complex.  They tried to do it laparoscopically, but then had to do an incision anyway.
I don't remember much about my 5 days in the hospital, but I do know that my husband and his mother took care of my babies while I was there.
   
   Tim's second Father's Day, we were selling our house and preparing for a move to a new town.  What a hectic summer that was!  It was such a good move for our family and Tim's career though.  That fall and winter were a very magical time for our family.
   
   Going into 2008, things were still very good.  But then, I started having some issues that were a result of my pregnancies.  I ended up having a surgery to fix it because it became a very big issue for me.  I thought things were VERY good after that.
   
    The next March of 2009, I started having an issue that I had to see a doctor about.  I ended up having a small surgery to remove an abscess in a delicate area.  BUT, it never healed.  I went for months with pain.  I was finally referred to a surgeon and then a very specific specialist.  I then had to undergo 3 surgeries to correct the problem.  Tim was my rock during all these health problems that just seemed to come one right after another.
   
   It is SO VERY HARD to be a new mom to little toddlers and go through a lot of health issues.  There were days where I so wished things were different because I wanted to be a better mom to them.  I wanted to feel good and be healthy.  Tim encouraged me so much.  He will never know how much that meant to me.  He has always made me feel like I am the best mom in the universe.
   
   By February 2010, I was FINALLY better from my "issues."  I was feeling better and things were going very well. Well, for the most part.  Tim had taken a new job the previous July in a town far, far away.  We had put our house on the market and Tim was staying in Fayetteville during the week for his job.  BUT, he would wait until Monday morning and wake up at 4am to leave by 5 to drive to work so that he could spend Sunday evenings with us.  He would also drive home on Wednesday nights to spend a few hours with us during the week and then drive all the way back on Thursday morning.  It was hard on all of us, but we made it work.
   That summer, we finally decided that we could not live apart any longer.  The house still had not sold, but we decided to suck it up and find a home to rent and just wait for the house to sell.  That move to Bentonville almost killed me.  I remember crying on the way home from Bentonville because I did not want to move.  I know it frustrated Tim so much, but he tried so hard not to be mad at me.  I'm very "anti-change."
    
   But, we finally moved. It was very hard on me learning a new town and being away from family.  And then, less than two months after moving, we lost Tim's mom in September 2010.  I really can't get into this very much still, but this was VERY hard on me.  I'm sure it was on Tim too, but I know personally how I felt.  I went through a depression of sorts and then got very sick.  Tim took me to the doctor twice and the ER twice.  No one could figure it out.  I finally saw my doctor again and we are pretty sure I had gastroenteritis and he diagnosed me with IBS.  This was last February 2011.  
   
   I have been through more health issues than a person my age typically does.  I have went through family fall-outs, and changes in my life that I did not want to happen.  Through it all, Tim has been the person I have told everything to.  He has been my best friend through it all.  He has been my partner and my equal.  He has changed diapers and listened to me rant about all sorts of things! He has encouraged me to do things I want to do.  I'm not saying we are never at odds with each other, because believe me, it has happened!  
   He goes with me to family things on my father's side of the family.  He has went to kid birthday parties and dealt with many ugly cries from me.  
   
   I never take my health for granted anymore.  Even though right now, I can say things are good, I know that it can change at any time.  Our kids have been so loved and taken care of, that they don't even know these bad things have happened.  They knew momma was sick, but they can't remember much of that now.  They have a golden childhood and for that, I am so thankful.
  
   I'm very thankful that Tim goes to church and has faith.  I have always wanted my children raised in church and I'm so lucky that we are on the same page.  Those early years, when we had to get two babies ready for church and drive 40 minutes to church were H-A-R-D, but I'm so glad we did it.  We didn't go every Sunday, but we went as much as we could.
   
   I know this is long, but I want the kids to know our story and know how much we love them and how committed Tim and I are to each other.  It is hard work to be married, and even harder work to have children.  They are our joy and have made us a family. But, at the end of the day, it is him and I.  When the kids are all grown, it will be us two.  I'm so thankful that we make time to connect and stay close to one another.  
   It seems crazy that we have known each other for 10 years.  It doesn't seem possible that much time has passed!  
   Tim, I'm so glad I raced back from Branson that day to meet you at Romedio's.  

Life is one big change and evolution

My days really seem to move at a faster pace than they used to. It feels like this past year has flown by. Inside these busy days, there have been SO many good things happening.

I do longingly remember the days of toddler hood. We had a nice, relaxing routine- get up, eat breakfast, play, possibly a morning nap, lunch, a little play, glorious afternoon nap and then playtime before daddy came home.

Sometimes, we also went to the library and occasionally the store, but that was it. Plus, being in a small town, there weren't many other options of things to do! But I reveled in the simplicity.
Of course now, we are in a more populated area and the kids are school-aged, and with school, activities and church, our busyness has sometimes felt never ending!
But things are starting to come to an end (for the summer anyway).

In a couple of weeks, I will officially be a mother of a kindergartner and a first grader (wha??)! 

I am so proud of everything the kids have learned and accomplished this year. 

I'm so proud of them sometimes that I could bust! 

It is so amazing to watch them grow and learn! They have both learned scripture verses, both are READING, C Girlie has been learning ballet and B Boy is learning to play baseball.
As happy as all of this makes me, I have to be honest and say that I am truly looking forward to a low key summer!
The kiddos will have swim lessons and VBS, but other than that, we are only doing fun summer things! I'm so excited to be volunteering to help with VBS this year. Our church has an amazing program. I took the kids to it last year, but we have met so many people in the church since then and I totally feel comfortable volunteering now. 

That is another thing that blows my mind- this time last year, we knew no one in our church. 

We started Sunday School last August and other activities at church and has made a world of difference. It has been so great meeting and getting to know so many wonderful people. 

I know this post is wordy, but it feels like a chapter is closing and a new one one is opening. 

Of COURSE, I must reflect on this, lol! 

I am beginning to feel that I am a part of my church, school, and community. 

This July, we will have lived here for two years. It does take time to find your place, at least it seems to for me. 

I feel like I have grown in my spirit so much.

 
Moving to a new community and losing my MIL and being away from my best friend almost broke me. 

I had a hard time for months, maybe longer.

I feel like I've overcome that. 

My heart has been healing. God has been healing it. 

My struggle now is watching my children become their own selves, big kids. But, I recognize my struggle and I try to give it to God. I'm sure there will always be a part of me that is sad to see them grow, but oh, how amazing it is as well. 

I feel like turning 30 was a major milestone for me. In a few days, I'm going to be a "thirty-something" from now on. And I'm good with that. 

Last year, I was sad to see my 20's gone. 

This year, I'm excited to see what the 30's have in store.

 

I never knew that I would change so much as an adult. 

I hope to pass that on to my kids, that life is one big change and evolution. We are continuing to grow everyday. Maybe only in our spirit, but some form of change will constantly be taking place.

Kindergarten Mother's Day program 2012

Pictured (left to right): Soon-to-be 1st grader, Soon-to-be 31 year old, Soon-to-be Kindergartner

What the parenting books don't tell you about

I have something that has been weighing on me deeply for awhile now.

I have always been pretty confident at this parenting gig.

Not like, ooh look at me! I have it all together! More like, I think I've got this.

Since my kiddos are Irish twins, everything we have dealt with has been back to back. And it's been great.

The hubby and I loved looking at the developmental milestone charts to make sure our kids were "on target."  And it was nice to have a "guide" of sorts.

However, around the time that kids start school, things start to change.  They are more independent.  As a parent, you are not reading books or milestone charts anymore.

At least, I'm not.

It's not only about physical and emotional needs anymore.  There is so much outside influence and morals to deal with now.

One day you wake up and think, what am I doing?!

Am I raising them right?

They are growing up too quick!

My heart hurts!

Why did the books not say how bad it would hurt to see them get bigger?!

I am at the point of having a 5 1/2 and a 6 1/2 year old.  They are big kids now. I won't have another baby. No matter how many photos and videos I have, they still grow up.

I know I have savored the days. I know I enjoyed the absolute most out of them growing up.

Some days, it physically hurts my heart.

Not to mention that everyone I know has babies, toddlers or preschoolers.  I feel like the only person I know who has big kids only.

I now understand why older mothers have so much to say about their kids and what their kids did and how much they miss it.

I'm going to be one of those mothers.

So, have some patience with me and those mothers.  We are not trying to be pushy or give advice, we just really miss our babies being babies.

Me

I Am... Saved. Happy. Loved. Almost 31.

I Want... a beautiful, big kitchen.

I Have... a lot to be thankful for.

I Wish... I was closer to family.

I Hate... the lack of compassion that people have for others.

I Fear... tornadoes, the interstate, deep water.

I Hear... Super Hero Squad show on the TV.

I Search... for recipes often.

I Wonder... what my kids will grow up to be/do.

I Regret... just some things in college and a few things since.

I Love... family, friends, food.

I Ache... to keep my kiddos little.

I Always... have coffee in the morning, it's a necessity.

I Usually... remember names and birthdays.

I Am Not... a morning person. At.All.

I Dance... not enough.

I Sing... in the car when I'm by myself or with Jessica and happen to have a Taylor Swift CD!

I Never... watch TV anymore, boohoo :'(

I Rarely... have a clean house

I Cry... at church, at movies, at music on the radio.

I Am Not Always... in a cheery mood. I can be pretty irritable at times.

I'm Confused...  by people feeling like they have to do things just because other people do it.

I Need... to drink more water.

I Promise... everyday to try and be a better mother, wife and friend.

Thanks for passing on this neat idea Katie!

Braces & Breakdowns

I'm almost spent from this week. 

You saw how Monday went. 

Tuesday is my busy day of the week and this Tuesday had two more events added to it, so I was gone most of the day and nothing at home got accomplished. 

Well, I take that back. We were there to eat and sleep and make it messier, so stuff got accomplished, but not cleaning up! 

Wednesday was a big day. It was formal registration for kindergarten for B boy. 

I'm already more emotional about things than I was last year with C girl. 

With her, I knew that I was going to be doing this again. But now with him, I know this will be the last time.

 :::heart constrictions::: 

I also made a big decision yesterday. After 7 years of using a pre-paid cell phone, I got my very own phone again! 

People are always shocked when I say, I don't have a cell. Well, now I do, so I have joined the 21st century :-) haha. 

I'm not out of the loop. I'm always on Tim's iPhone or my iPad, so basically this only makes it easier for me to call people while I'm out and about. That was the reason for the decision. 

I used to ALWAYS be at home. But now, that I am always running here and there, it makes sense to need a mobile phone. 

The phone I ended up choosing was an Android phone. 

This is a big deal because I am an Apple product snob. I LOVE iPhones, iPods, and iPads. I haven't joined the Mac train yet though. 

I literally had a breakdown last night because this phone is SO different from what I know. I so wanted to go take it back today!!! BUT, I have learned a LOT about it today and I'm happy to say that I'm feeling much better today about my new phone :-)

I had to get up at the butt crack this morning and be out the door by 7 to head down south for my appointment with my orthodontist. 

I am NOT a morning person so it was crazy around here trying to get out the door on time. 

We had been on the track of getting my braces off soon. I was *supposed* to get my impressions done for my retainer today. 

However, things did not go as planned. One of my teeth had moved from position. 

SOOO, I am back in full wire and full chain on top. 

WAHHHHHHH!!!! So disappointing! 

It will be at least 3 months before they even think about doing impressions. 

I just passed the 4 year anny of wearing these things, so this was not welcome news.

And now that I have stuff back on my teeth, I am in agony! 

It is so painful, my mouth was really used to not having pressure on it!

I'm also way hormonal and emotional.

I'm hoping for a very happy Friday, Saturday & Sunday!

Meeting Goals {even if they are contradictory!}

I know that I didn't formally announce any resolutions on my blog, but I did make some.  Two of them were- to slow down and to volunteer more. Contradictory, much?!  


I felt like 2011 flew by.  It was a year with much anticipation and I spent a lot of my time waiting for the next thing that was to happen. If you read this post, then you can see just how much happened in my life last year.


After all of that, I knew that I wanted to take some time to take it easy, slow down, and enjoy this season in my life.


There are some projects I would like to get caught up on- Organizing my pictures all the way, backing up my blog entirely, and finishing my recipe book.  These projects take time and I can't seem to find enough time to accomplish them!


My days, these days, are chopped up into 1 and 2 hour increments.  I take B boy to preschool, then pick him, make lunch, get him down for nap so I can accomplish a few things, then get him up so we can go pick up C girl, come home and have a snack before taking her to ballet and then come home to make dinner.  After dinner is AWANA study and reading and getting ready for the next day.  And that is just Monday!  Tuesdays are busy with Bible study and volunteering in C girl's class.  The rest of the week is similar to Monday!


I know next year, when they are both in school, things will flow better.


My other goal, to volunteer more, is coming along.  Slowing down and volunteering more seem very contradictory when they are used together!  I hope to find a good balance between the two!
 As I said, I have begun volunteering in C girl's class every Tuesday.  I also was asked to be a Care Group Leader for my Sunday School class.  Along with that, I also volunteer with the PTO.  I'm hoping to find more ways to give of my time to help others.  


I feel that things are opening in my life right now.  I've let go of some things that had been eating at me and I've begun to meet a lot of really awesome ladies through church, school and dance class.  


I have some blog posts that I need to catch up on.  We did some hiking at a couple of new places recently and I want to share those pictures.  I will be posting recipes here and there because I want to have a lot of our family favorites to share with you in the Recipe Tab at the top of the page.


I made these yesterday and that was really fun-

I'm hoping to make a Valentine's wreath using these felt flowers and maybe a headband or two for C girl.


Here's to meeting goals and finding balance doing it!

My hair progression through the years

A friend on Twitter was getting her hair done recently and asked if she should stay blonde, or go darker.  It reminded me of a conversation with another friend at a birthday party recently.  This friend at the party had been blonde for forever and had just went darker.  She made the comment that she would probably go lighter for summer.
This made me think of just how much my hair had changed colors and styles through the years. 
So, for your viewing enjoyment, here is my hair progression through the years:

1999-

2000-

2001-

2002-

2003-

2004-

2005-

2006-

2007-

2008-

2009-

2010-

2011-

Awkward & Shy

I hate being the new girl.


This may be surprising to you, but I'm actually pretty shy.


Now, once I get to know you, I'm pretty outgoing.


But being in places and being new and having to introduce myself and talk to others is totally out of my comfort level.


Don't get me wrong, I do it.  I make myself talk to others. But, it is so hard.  I remember a lady inviting me to be a part of their playgroup when the kiddos were little and it has stayed with me since then.  We became part of the group.  That's why I talk to people, because I know how it feels to be invited in.


I hate feeling awkward and left out.


So many people already know each other, have formed friendships and have watched each other's families grow.  


I feel like an invader.


When you are my age, and have kids already in school, it's really hard to find a friend that is exactly what you need.


I do have great friends.  Really, really, really great friends.  Unfortunately, not many of them live by me.  


So, I meet people, and introduce myself, and talk to them, and get all kinds of out of my comfort level.  
I try to get past my awkward and shy in the hopes that maybe this lady might be my new friend.

IBS, you are not my friend

  I'm having another bad bout with my IBS. 
Usually it just affects me for a day or two, but this has been going on for almost a week.
 :-(
 I just haven't been feeling good. 
When I don't feel good, my mood is not as good. 
I also fall behind on my to do list and household chores. 
 I haven't had much of an appetite.
I lose time I could be spending with my family. 
The evenings lately, I have been spending in the bathroom or just laying around.
 It's just been a miserable time for me.
I really hope I begin to feel better soon because I really want to enjoy the holidays!






image credit

I'm having a bad day

Yep.


I should be having a good day.


Today is the kiddo's first fall class parties.


I did have fun at B boy's party, but today is overshadowing my joy.


I had a very bad morning.


I got frustrated.


I didn't treat Tim with kindness this morning and I frustrated him.


I yelled at C girl.  I can barely keep from crying even typing the words.


My heart hurts.  I am filled with guilt.


I got a Pepsi at Taco Bell to give myself a pick me up.


While we ate lunch at our table at home, somehow it fell and spilled all over the floor.


I really wanted that Pepsi.


I didn't cry over spilled Pepsi, but I came very, very close.


It's just one of those days where I'm in a funk and can't seem to get out of it.


I think I need a good cry.


--also, I got my flu shot today, and that wasn't very fun either. But, hopefully I won't get sick.

Oh, hello Pinterest.

So remember when I told everyone on Twitter that I was absolutely NOT joining Pinterest?  I have NO spare time for such frivolousness! LOL

Well, yeah.

Guess who has joined Pinterest?

And guess what? 

 I love it!

losing myself

I'm not really afraid to talk about things that most people don't talk about. I've had to do a lot of it the past couple of years. Talking to doctors about what is wrong, telling my husband about these things and of course telling friends. One question I have been pondering lately is, do you ever feel as if your are losing yourself? I've had a few of the moments. Lately it's been more often. I have been suffering from the same health problem for almost a year. It is painful. I have had 5 procedures. Now it hurts every day. Every. day. I feel less and less like I used to. It is eating me alive. It is almost all I think about. I know I'm going to have to have at least another procedure. I want it to go away. I want my kids to not think that their mommy goes to the doctor all the time. You know, I believe God will heal me. I just don't really know what the hold up is. Is my faith not strong enough, is it not the right time? These are questions we all want to ask but feel guilty asking. I know I should get over it. There are people that are suffering much more than me. It is very hard though. I feel bad for myself but I also feel bad for these kiddos. Am I being the best mommy I can be? I am certainly trying but I don't always feel that I am. My husband is so amazing. He does so much. He takes care of all of us. He'll do anything for us and I love him for that. I need to feel like me again. I need prayers for healing and encouragement. I'm usually the listener to what my friends have to say or are going through. Today I feel like being the talker. Sometimes I need kind words and someone to listen.

I pray that I am going through this for a reason. That someday I will be able to help someone else go through something and I will be able to understand when no one else can.

There is a piece of me that I know I will never lose. The urging to want to help people. I know that is part of the plan but what form it will take, I still don't know. I will instill this in my children...to be givers and not takers only.