I Owe My Mother

I came across this recently and got a laugh out of it!  Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there! <3

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE--
 "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."


2. My mother taught me RELIGION--
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."


3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL--
 "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


4. My mother taught me LOGIC--
"Because I said so, that's why." 


5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC--
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."


6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT--
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."


7. My mother taught me IRONY--
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS--
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM--
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"


10 My mother taught me about STAMINA--
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."


11. My mother taught me about WEATHER--
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."


12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY--
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"


13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE--
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."


14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION--
"Stop acting like your father!"


15. My mother taught me about ENVY--
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."


16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION--
"Just wait until we get home."


17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING--
"You are going to get it when your father gets home!"


18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE--
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."


19. My mother taught me ESP--
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"


20. My mother taught me HUMOR--
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."


21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT--
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."


22. My mother taught me GENETICS--
"You're just like your father."


23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS--
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"


24. My mother taught me WISDOM--
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE--
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"